tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post8655475844017845939..comments2023-10-02T08:07:03.885-07:00Comments on <br><br><br><br><center>The Missing Word</center>: Super Zombie Juice Mega Bomb QueryM.J.A. Warehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16462695590025809512noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-27840619767039772722010-11-22T16:32:08.033-08:002010-11-22T16:32:08.033-08:00I can recognize the post-Query Hell polish! I thi...I can recognize the post-Query Hell polish! I think this sounds great, both the concept and the query. Good luck, and see you in the query trenches!Angelica R. Jacksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09448717076699744259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-44678828955645546212010-11-12T17:34:43.581-08:002010-11-12T17:34:43.581-08:00But why did they run away in the first place? As ...But why did they run away in the first place? As fun as your story sounds, I think you left a huge question there. Certainly there is an intriguing reason that would add depth to your characters. <br /><br />I think you need a stronger opening hook to make an agent keep reading. Why they ran away might be it.MC Howehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12135224394821535801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-77784955034773127332010-11-10T21:33:08.592-08:002010-11-10T21:33:08.592-08:00Great letter, strong voice. Good luck with the sto...Great letter, strong voice. Good luck with the story. And BTW I have a blogging award for you over on my blog.<br /><a href="http://www.onewritersmind.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">One Writer's Mind</a><br />http://www.onewritersmind.blogspot.comJA Grier (ee/em/eir)https://www.blogger.com/profile/10733447921892286243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-73902858082161879192010-11-10T15:27:32.510-08:002010-11-10T15:27:32.510-08:00Hi MJA - I'm writing a zombie one too. Zombie...Hi MJA - I'm writing a zombie one too. Zombies are so fun. Good luck with your work.<br /><br />I found your site today and joined. I'll be back to read about you journey. Until then, Happy Writing.The Happy Whiskhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13438469476168485775noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-6849197438944269892010-11-09T18:35:51.628-08:002010-11-09T18:35:51.628-08:00Sounds like a fun story! Good luck with everything...Sounds like a fun story! Good luck with everything.Danhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09960435908500681323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-42078277439350535582010-11-08T21:28:00.382-08:002010-11-08T21:28:00.382-08:00Thanks for everyone's feedback. I'm going ...Thanks for everyone's feedback. I'm going to try to work the middle paragraph into the rest of the query.M.J.A. Warehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16462695590025809512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-62755973477483250452010-11-07T06:24:43.987-08:002010-11-07T06:24:43.987-08:00Hi there - first of all, wanted to thank you for f...Hi there - first of all, wanted to thank you for following my blog. You've helped me get 1 follower closer to the big 1-0!! :)<br /><br />And what a fun story concept!! Neutralizing the undead with lemonade? There's an angle I've never heard before - that's great! I agree with some - I'd nix the "if Zombie neighbors" paragraph entirely, actually. You've got your into and then the last two paragraphs with the lemon play on words - that the "undead chickens" seemed a little out of place. Just my humble opinion. And Che brought up a good question.<br /><br />But - the voice is clear, the concept is fun! Minor tweaking and you're gold! :) Good luck with this.Donea Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15393184831994368021noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-4855376392985857672010-11-06T18:45:20.223-07:002010-11-06T18:45:20.223-07:00I wouldn't worry about rushing your query lett...I wouldn't worry about rushing your query letter because of NaNo. If writers are submitting manuscripts that are 50k words without editing them properly first, the chances of an agent picking them up are slim. I asked an agent and he said there was no different in December queries from any other month. <br /><br />Very funny query. The voice comes through in it.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-8347311058494130362010-11-06T17:34:36.633-07:002010-11-06T17:34:36.633-07:00My comment... er
It sounds like the kids are tryi...My comment... er<br /><br />It sounds like the kids are trying to get home and all the bridges are gone so they can't actually cross them. So how do they get home? <br /><br />just re-arranging that may help.Che Gilsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01143475504520189361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-27464880841360508772010-11-06T10:36:42.312-07:002010-11-06T10:36:42.312-07:00Jennifer, I love zombies too. When I started this ...Jennifer, I love zombies too. When I started this I didn't even know zombies were considered 'high concept'.<br /><br />Melanie, That's excellent advice. This has been through several rounds on QLH. It lived up to it's name, but I learned a lot from it!M.J.A. Warehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16462695590025809512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-91165012815446243122010-11-06T07:38:55.712-07:002010-11-06T07:38:55.712-07:00This is an awesome query letter. I may be bias tho...This is an awesome query letter. I may be bias though, because I pretty much love anything zombie related. =)Jennifer L. Armentrouthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00913648987251002847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-42874449063614975792010-11-06T06:04:41.710-07:002010-11-06T06:04:41.710-07:00By the way, not sure if you already belong to Abso...By the way, not sure if you already belong to Absolute Write or a similar site, but they have a special thread in the Share Your Work forum called QLH (Query Letter Hell--but don't let the name scare you!). Anyway, you could post your query letter there if you are interested in more wonderful feedback from some people who really know the deal regarding query letter writing. Just a thought. GL :-)Melaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03696084321447737813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-31542455235534129162010-11-06T06:01:51.972-07:002010-11-06T06:01:51.972-07:00This sounds great! Great sounding query letter. Lo...This sounds great! Great sounding query letter. Love all your play on words with the whole lemon theme. Such a fun sounding book. Can't imagine an agent not requesting a partial or full based on this letter. Best of luck to you.Melaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03696084321447737813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-21372372509630801972010-11-05T13:10:42.966-07:002010-11-05T13:10:42.966-07:00Thanks for the feedback Jess. After reading it alo...Thanks for the feedback Jess. After reading it aloud I might just do that.<br /><br />In fact, I never really like the second paragraph... Oh, no I better watch out or I might just re-write the whole thing =-)M.J.A. Warehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16462695590025809512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5134641538006205287.post-37529934873994230392010-11-05T09:39:49.857-07:002010-11-05T09:39:49.857-07:00This is your query letter, right? Sounds AWESOME-...This is your query letter, right? Sounds AWESOME--seriously, this is the kind of book that would get my reluctant-reader stepson to crack open a middle grade novel. Looks great. If I had one suggestion it would be taking out the "or scarier" part in the second paragraph:<br /><br />If zombie neighbors aren't bad enough, there's the flock of 'flying dead' chickens, learning chemistry from their undead math teacher, and massive amounts of deadly zombie snot to deal with.<br /><br />Or something like that. <br /><br />I'm so excited for the requests to come rolling in on this :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14121018905141253640noreply@blogger.com